Turbid Slogans: Propoganda 101
by: Robert Zimmerman

Everyone has heard an advertising slogan at least once (the more you’ve heard the more normal you are – to an extent anyway), but who says they all act in the best interest of the world around you? There are three slogans that are very common and each sends out a twisted message: 1) Smokey the Bear, 2) Nike, and 3) M&M’s. Everyone has heard of Smokey the Bear and his famous catch phrase, so on three let’s say it together… 1… 2… 3, “Only you can prevent forest fires!” Well, people, I hate to break it to you, but Smokey is evil; he teaches adults and children alike to prevent natural occurrences that help renew soil and in letting wildfires burn, you lessen the damage of the wildfires to come. Some people are bound to say, “Well, hold on a minute, everyone has been taught all fire is bad, are you saying all those years of teaching are wrong?” And I am bound to retort, “Let’s take a look back in time… Volcanoes and lightening are erupting and striking all over the world… Fires burn awhile, and then go out. More volcanoes erupt… More fires… And the Earth as we know it looks fine now. So, in short, yes; all that teaching is wrong.” Smokey teaches you to put out wildfires, because of this, when a wildfire does break out, you have a disaster in which hundreds of thousands of acres are lost. Thanks Smokey… Next comes the Nike saying, “Just Do It.” How many ways can you misinterpret that? About 1342.7 if you ask me… But I digress. First of all, Nike running shoes definitely aren’t anywhere near as light as Adidas and, if you hadn’t noticed, their basketball shoes leave marks on gym floors (kind of defeats the purpose of buying them for gym). Haven’t you ever walked into a store and set eyes on a pair of Nikes, seen the price, and shifted your gaze? What does it cost them to make a pair of shoes? Two -- maybe three dollars? It’s all that advertising they do. Lastly, comes everyone’s favorite: M&M’s and their ever famous, “They melt in your mouth, not in your hands,” claim. They lie. Try holding one in your hand for about a minute… Then pinch it. Congratulations, not only did you just get your fingers gross and gooey, but you’re also an idiot. Good job! Why do you suppose they ever thought that chocolate wouldn’t melt in your hands? Well, the truth is, their advertising crew decided to find something appealing that most people wouldn’t be stupid enough to try. People are hurt when they write in saying, “Dear M&M Company, I think I found an flawed M&M packet because it melted after 6 hours in my pocket. A Concerned Customer, So and So,” and the company either 1) writes back saying, “Dear So and So, We deeply regret your finding a “flawed packet” and would like you to know you provided insight to the comical stupidity of our customers,” or 2) doesn’t give you a response. In conclusion, it becomes blatantly obvious that ad campaigns are not only propaganda, but they can hurt our world and the people in it… Isn’t that right Smokey?